I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
