xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
