New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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