Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
