Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
