you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Drunk is a universal language darling
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
