I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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