come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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