I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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