sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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