Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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