Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
