Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
