smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
