my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
