Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Actions speak louder than pants.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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