Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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