i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize