so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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