Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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