I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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