im drinking this country out of the recession.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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