someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
