He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.