even my farts smell like vagina
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough