I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
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I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.