Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
I'm going to Hell for sure
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?