whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt