I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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