I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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