How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
