This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
