I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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