I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion