yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
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Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
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She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret