its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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