My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
