I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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