I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
