Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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