dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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