dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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