Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
