Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Bring me that man meat
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
