HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I got chris browned last night
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
