If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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