Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
