she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
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That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
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My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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