someone get that fucking seahorse.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
operation have a gay friend backfired
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
