Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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