Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
