i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just had sex bonerless
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
