this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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