What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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