Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I met the friendliest cop last night
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
