I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
