I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize