WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
