So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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