I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
