Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
