four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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