All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
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it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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