When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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