There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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