I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
